


Maeby's Coming Out

by citrinesunset



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Coming Out, Community: lgbtfest, LGBTQ Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-16
Updated: 2010-06-16
Packaged: 2017-10-10 03:57:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrinesunset/pseuds/citrinesunset
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After falling for a girl, Maeby realizes she might be gay. Afraid of becoming like Tobias, she decides to come out of the closet to her family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maeby's Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [lgbtfest](http://community.livejournal.com/lgbtfest/profile) for the prompt "414. Arrested Development, Maeby Funke, Maeby comes to realize she's queer, but that does not make her anything like her dad." This is my first attempt at writing _Arrested Development_ fic. It proved more challenging than I expected.

Tobias Funke believed his daughter had a boyfriend.

He woke up one night to the sound of her coming home, and looked out the window to see her kissing a young man with a long ponytail. It was the first time he'd seen someone bring Maeby home.

The sight lifted his spirits. He'd been discouraged for some time, now, not least of all for deciding to put his acting career on hold. Seeing his daughter happy made him happy.

At breakfast the next morning, he glanced sideways at Maeby and said, "Would I be right in thinking that my daughter has been stricken by cupid's arrow?"

Maeby looked up from her cereal and made a face. "What?"

Tobias smiled. "Now, I wasn't spying, but I did happen to see your boyfriend drop you off last night. I must say, he is quite the handsome young man."

Lindsay, who'd been reading the newspaper, looked up at Maeby. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

Maeby smiled at her parents. "Well, I guess I do."

She didn't. The boy Tobias had seen was in fact Carla, Maeby's girlfriend.  


* * *

For Maeby, the realization that she liked girls was a sudden one.

Carla was a regular customer at the frozen banana stand, and she was the first customer who inspired a sense of customer service in Maeby. When she asked Maeby out for coffee, a lot of things Maeby hadn't been aware of began to make sense.

Since then, Maeby had delved into self-discovery. She'd looked at pictures of every female actor she'd ever liked, testing for attraction. She'd taken every "Am I gay?" test that came up on the first four pages of a Google search (seven said she was bisexual, two said she was probably straight, five called her bicurious, ten said she was a lesbian, and one called her a "lesbain").

She'd checked out books from the library, read websites, and, in a desperate attempt to test her attraction to women, watched one of Gob's Girls With Low Self-Esteem videos. It left her very confused.

In the end, the only thing she knew was what felt right. And though she could justify a lot of things on the idea that she was gay (her lack of relationships; her attraction to George Michael's hairless legs; her interest in the female actors she used to cast in movies during her time as a Hollywood executive), it came down to a feeling that couldn't be explained except that it made sense.

Her only worry was being like her father.

It wasn't like Maeby was some sort of homophobe. It wasn't the idea of being gay that got to her. But she was certain that her father was also gay, and between his denial and obliviousness, he was embarrassing. He was the last person she wanted to resemble in any way, though the rest of her family came close.

But it was going to be okay, because Maeby had a plan. Maeby Funke was going to come out of the closet.

* * *

Maeby decided to test coming out on her Uncle Gob.

It was a Saturday afternoon when she left the house. She told her parents she was going to work at the banana stand. Outside, all she could hear and see was construction work.

After Michael fled the country, the Bluths had decided to sell their shares of the family company to Stan Sitwell. Under his guidance, work had resumed on the Sudden Valley subdivision.

A new house was going up directly across the road, and the shoddy construction of the model home kept out none of the noise.

The only part of the family business that remained was the frozen banana stand, and Maeby was the manager and sole employee. But Maeby wasn't really going there now. Instead, she went to her second job, as Gob's assistant. For three months now, she'd been helping him with his shows and getting him into venues where he was banned. It turned out that bouncers were just as prone to her charms and skills of manipulations as Hollywood executives were.

She'd promised to help him practice a new trick, which she knew nothing about. She drove to Ann Veal's house, where Gob lived in the basement. Maeby understood that he paid no rent as long as he performed religious-themed magic shows at Ann's church twice a month.

There was a guillotine set up in the basement, today. Maeby took one look at it and said, "No way, I'm not doing this."

Gob glanced up at her. "Oh, come on! It's harmless. Besides, it's not your head that's getting cut off. It's mine. Your job is to distract the audience."

The door to the basement opened, and Ann came downstairs. Gob hurriedly stood in front of his guillotine.

"Ann! I told you, I need my privacy. Nobody can see my illusions until they're ready."

Ann was carrying a plate of cookies. She set it down on a pile of magazines.

"Then why does Maeby get to be here?"

"I told you! She's my assistant!"

Ann sighed and stormed back up the stairs. Gob took a cookie off the plate and bit off the top half. They were cross-shaped.

Maeby had no interest in Gob's relationship with Ann. She didn't want any part of _that_ mess. Instead, she got right down to business.

"Gob?" Maeby said. "I need to talk to you."

"I think I need a head of cabbage…"

"Yeah, whatever. I haven't told anyone this, but I like girls. I think I might be gay or something. Or bisexual. I don't really know. But the only guys I've ever liked were my cousins. That can't count, right?"

Gob lay down in the guillotine, resting his head under the hopefully well-restrained blade. He looked at her.

"It only counts if you say it does. Someone tries to tell you otherwise, they probably just want alimony or a paternity test."

Maeby shrugged. "O-kay. So I guess you don't care that I'm gay or whatever?"

Slowly, Gob stood up. He smiled. "Oh, Maeby. Of course I care. Nobody's ever confided in me like this before." He grabbed her by the shoulders and sniffed. "I had no idea you had so much respect for me."

Horrified, Maeby backed away. "Whoa, no, see I just figured it'd be safe since I don't really care what you think of me. It was either you or Gangee."

But Gob, overwhelmed by his niece's trust in him, was undeterred.

"You can trust me, Maeby. I'll stand by you and keep your secret. Just like I haven't told your parents that you're skipping school to do the magic shows."

Maeby blinked. She wrinkled her nose and said, "Um, it's summer. And I graduated two months ago."

Gob just smiled, amazed at all the things he'd never known about Maeby.  


* * *

She spoke to Lucille next, over lunch in the country club.

As Lucille sipped at her second martini, Maeby poked at her fettuccine alfredo and said, "Gangee, I'm gay."

Lucille froze, her eyes on Maeby and her mouth puckered on the edge of the martini glass, leaving a dark red lip print.

When she didn't respond, Maeby, growing disturbed, said, "Gangee? You're not having a stroke or something, are you?"

Lucille set down her glass. "Of course not." She sighed. "Is this announcement of yours supposed to shock me? Because if it is, you're going to have to be more creative."

Maeby took a bite of her food, unsure of how to respond. She couldn't remember ever feeling awkward around people, but she thought coming out was _supposed_ to be awkward, and she was doing something wrong if it wasn't.

"Anyway," Lucille said, "it's for the best. Women will be far more forgiving about your looks."  


* * *

After Lucille, the only thing to do was to tell her parents. Uncle Michael and George Michael had never given her their new address. Pop-Pop was on the lam. Later, Maeby would realize she'd forgotten about Buster completely.

She decided to talk to Lindsay, first, and chose a quiet afternoon when Lindsay was lounging on the sofa, watching a soap opera and nursing what might have been her third drink. She was wearing a white robe and a pair of slippers.

"Mom, we need to talk."

Lindsay kept her eyes on the TV. "What is it, honey?"

Before Maeby could speak, Tobias came in. He was smiling, and looked suspiciously happy in a way that Maeby dreaded.

"I have an announcement to make!" he said.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "Let me guess: you've decided to try acting again."

"Ah, no," Tobias said, raising a finger. "Well, I have, actually, but that's not it. I'm gay."

Lindsay raised her hands in the air and barked, "Finally!"

"Yeah…we should probably go ahead with the divorce."

Maeby listened to her father's announcement with amazement. It was the last thing she would have expected, and it was the worst time.

"I can't believe this!" she said. "_I'm_ supposed to be coming out, here!"

Both of her parents looked at her. Tobias stared at her in surprise and Lindsay said, "Oh, come on, Maeby, you're not gay."

"How do you know?"

"I thought you were dating Steve Holt. Isn't that who brought you home a few nights ago?"

Maeby scoffed. "No. He's my cousin. And that was ages ago. Besides, I have a girlfriend."

Tobias turned to her. "So…that young man…that was a girl?"

"Yeah."

"And you're a lesbian?"

Maeby shrugged. "I don't know! I think so."

For what felt like a long time, nobody spoke. Lindsay sat upright on the sofa, and put her drink on the coffee table.

"So," she said to Maeby, "do you still have Steve's number, by any chance?"

"Lindsay," Tobias said, "I've made an important announcement. And that boy is your nephew."

"Not biologically."

Her father had some reply to that, but Maeby was already out of the room, escaping further attention under the cover of her parents' impending argument.  


* * *

It took two hours for Maeby to realize what her father had just done.

Lying in her room, on top of the bunk beds, she first thought about how he'd ruined her own coming out, and how, now that he was out of the closet, she wasn't any different than him. She thought this must be what it felt like for those teenage girls who went on daytime TV to talk about how their moms wore their clothes and intruded in their lives (Maeby was grateful that Lindsay's interest in her life waned after she turned twelve).

But as she lay there, looking at the cracked ceiling and listening to the sound of bulldozers outside, she eventually realized that her father had done something important, and that coming out might be a bigger deal to him than it was to her. And maybe she was the only one who saw it as a competition.

Maeby got up, and for the first time since she could remember, she went to go talk to her father.


End file.
